Parenting Your Elderly Parents

by Amy Bartling, LSW

As parents age, they may become dependent on their children for assistance because they become unable to independently manage their daily lives. This day may come suddenly or it may be a gradual transition over the course of a few months or even years. Some of the common warning signs that you may observe occurring in your parents are as follows:

Whether your parent is experiencing one or even all of these conditions, the time to get involved is now. Prioritize your concerns and then slowly begin to assist your parents, as needed. Do not try to tackle all of the issues at once. Your parents may be in denial about the loss of their abilities and may be resistant to allow you to assist them for fear that they are losing control of their lives. If they are in denial, the difficulty of your job as a caregiver will increase every step of the way. However, they may be slowly realizing the changes that are occurring.

This will most likely be a very stressful time for both you and your parents. Your life, as well as your immediate family’s life, will be affected by the increasing demands of your parents. Your parents may be struggling with loss of their independence and find it difficult to allow their children to make decisions with them or even for them, if needed. Some of the ways in which you can attempt to improve the situation are as follows:

- know your limits and do not overextend yourself
- learn to say no to your parents, if needed
- communicate frequently and directly - do not assume your parents know or understand what you are thinking or feeling
- make suggestions, complaints or criticisms in a positive manner in order to avoid
putting your parents on the defensive
- give positive feedback to encourage good behavior
- do not be afraid to ask for help from others, if needed, by joining a support group or simply talking about the situation with a spouse, sibling, friend or
therapist
- involve the entire family in the decision-making process, not just one or two
siblings, if possible
- remember to put yourself first in order to reduce the risk of caregiver burnout
- communicate your concerns tactfully

Above all, remember that as a caregiver you must realize that, being human, you may make some mistakes along the way, just as your parents might have done while they were raising you. Do not allow the guilt you may experience in your role as caregiver to have a negative impact on your own life.