When Medicaid Planning for Parent Encounters Sibling Rivalry

When an aging parent requires full time caregiving, costs begin to skyrocket. The increased need for home health care is financially exhausting, even when caregiving is divided up among the parent’s adult children. Inevitably, the children will have disagreements regarding the type of care, as well as how to finance such care.

The following is a common scenario: Patricia has four children who have been caring for their mother, in her 90s, for a few years. However, Patricia’s health has declined to a point where she requires full-time professional nursing care. All of Patricia’s children agree that a plan of action must be taken not only to ensure Patricia receives the care she needs, but also to help protect their mother’s assets so that her resources are not depleted to the point at which she must sell the family home.

Patricia has three daughters and one son. Being the youngest, Patricia tends to favor her son’s advice, which may cause a problem when the siblings begin developing a plan for their mother’s long-term care. Unlike his three sisters, who are considering Medicaid planning to protect their mother’s life savings and to obtain the level of care Patricia now needs, he is against applying for Medicaid benefits. He believes Medicaid is only for low-income individuals with virtually no assets. Additionally, the son wants to keep his mother’s home even though she may be better cared for in a nursing home with home health caregivers.

When President Lyndon B. Johnson signed the Medicaid program into law on July 30, 1965, it was based on a welfare model. However, since then, Congress has modified the program so that today it is a mainstream safety net available to middle-class families hoping to prevent losing their life savings when 24-hour nursing care is imminent. To their own detriment, many people still think of the Medicaid program as “welfare,” or an unearned benefit. Yet this belief is a misunderstanding of the laws, and it may put a loved one at risk when they refuse to apply for financial assistance to meet one’s increased level of care.

Patricia’s daughters are trying to persuade their brother that Medicaid eligibility can also pay for their mother to remain at home as long as her level of care needs can be met. While all of Patricia’s children care about their mother’s care, as well as her personal wishes, it is important that they are all aware of the consequences of not reaching a consensus among them because it could have an effect on their interactions long after Patricia passes away. Sibling rivalry is counterproductive when sharing the difficult task of caregiving. Additionally, the stress of caregiving for a parent often causes long-held grudges and perceived slights to cloud the judgment of the children, causing conflict. Infighting could also lead to an expensive and exhausting guardianship contest.

When a loved one’s health and safety are at risk, as well as their life savings, making an uninformed judgement call is not the best plan of action. The best thing for a family to do in this instance is to seek the experienced advice of an elder law attorney who has accurate information to share with them so they can make informed decisions.

Nothing contained in this publication should be considered as the rendering of legal advice to any person’s specific case but should be considered general information.